


Dirk Gets Punched in the Face

by Leafy89



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, Spoilers, The Homestuck Epilogues, but no more crack than the rest of the epilogues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 23:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18559696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leafy89/pseuds/Leafy89
Summary: dork gets punched in the facethats really all there is to say on the matter(spoiper: character death is also dirk)





	Dirk Gets Punched in the Face

so the space dirkhunting crew is catching up to him with the help of like idk space and time powers. and dirk is all cocky like " haha how do you expect to catch me when i stole ur fastest ship" like ok dude, u didnt steal shit? but nice steven universe reference i guess?? unless that was already a reference to something else in which case fuck.  
so anyways they try to catch up with bitch!dirk but he's too fast or some shit. he tryna mind control them and junk but deadtier calliope is like mm mm not today son  
but then all of the sudden a big ol wormhole opens in spacetime and omg is alt-alt callijade and robodave and aradia. Wow!  
so the time players do a thing and like slow down his ship i guess. but they dont stop it completely cuz then the ship behind it would crash into it i think. whatever.  
so dirks in the ship being all "ahaha you can't kill me this is all according to keikaku" and he push a button and oh no he has a big gun mounted on top of the ship!!  
but actually it turns out he's moving in slow-mo cuz time shenanigans. so kanaya and friends just waltz on onto the ship like it's nobody's fuckin biz.  
i guess rose and terepy are there but they decided they don't give a shit abt dirk and go back to playing smash.  
so kanaya gets all like DIIIIIRK STRIDEEEEEER and revving up her chainsaw but then dave (meat!dave) steps in and he's like nah fam i got this and he str8 up decks a motherfucker. like dirk gets uppercutted so hard he's just flying up in slow motion and his face look real ugly from getting punched.  
so then everybody else from their crew takes a turn on the dirk punching bag til it's kanaya's turn and she just chainsaws him in half gamzee-style.  
the end

**Author's Note:**

> oof catharsis


End file.
